There were days and even weeks when I never thought I would get here, it always seemed a little too distant to reach. But time has passed so quickly that I can barely remember walking into the International Arrivals hall dragging my life behind me. I only faintly recall the jealousy I felt looking at any re-united pair. I had never wanted my name on a sign so badly then I did in those moments. I struggled not to cry as the cab drove to the flat I had never seen, filled with people I never met. I unpacked only my photos before sleeping for what seemed like days. In those first days, it seemed like I spoke only to order an Americano coffee once a day, unsure of my own voice.
Almost a year to the day later, I de-boarded the same flight that took me from home, the weight of my luggage still barely manageable but the burden of my decision much lighter. I knew there would be no name on a sign or a friendly face to greet me but I didn’t need one. Because I am no longer the girl who sobbed and snotted through customs and I will never again spend an 7 hour plane ride in a panic stricken daze. I boarded the Express train before falling asleep to the comfort of knowing I was home.
It will never be home in the conventional sense, but everything has more than one definition. It isn’t where my family is or where I grew up but no one ever said you can only have one home. Of course Allentown, Philadelphia, and the USA will always be home but there is room for London too. Maybe I’m a home hussy but that’s ok because its just another long term relationship. Somedays you wake up disgusted by its cold, dark attitude, wondering how you have stayed so long with something that doesn’t love you back. Other days, the good days, you fall in love all over again with everything it has to offer you. In the best of homes, you are forced to try new things, open your mind, and just maybe become a better person.
So the answer is ‘I don’t know‘, well that’s the answer to all you smart cookies who asked the right question. And since I surround myself with Einstein’s, almost all of you did within minutes of seeing me. ‘When are you coming home?’ It was supposed to be a year, 18months max, a nice break before getting down to becoming a bona fide adult. But when I say I don’t know, I mean not for another year or two. Sorry Mom!
It only took 5 days in London to know I wanted to be here. Granted I was duped: it was sunny, warm, and the people were nothing but friendly. London conned me: it is never sunny or warm and the Brits aren't exactly known for embracing strangers on the street! It was all based on some modern day Scarlett O'Hara at the Twelve Oaks Bar-B-Que fantasy, sans 19 inch waist of course. I envisioned sitting outside at a quaint cafe, sipping cappuccino, surrounded by gorgeous metrosexual men, all of whom, in there husky accents, argue over who will be lucky enough to bring me a scone. After stuffing my face (daintily), my companions and I rush into a Black cab to get to the theater just in time for the curtains to go up on the latest West End show. Ok, I realise the reality is slightly different, the rain usually keeps me inside of the cafe and I don't eat that many scones to be honest but as different as it is, It is a dream nonetheless.
I am still trying to figure out why I left, some days I know I ran away from life and responsibility and other days I am content in believing I ran towards adventure and experience. It’s not as if my life was terrible, it wasn't, it just wasn't amazing and I was willing to pay for amazing. This extended vacation comes with the price tag of risking my already bleak financial future. A fact that keeps me up some nights when I think of the little IRS man tallying up my debt. But let's be honest, you all know me, I would still be drowning in debt with or without this adventure. Maybe I won't have a house anytime soon but I will have a ton of stories and photos to fill my future cardboard box.
So did I get what I was after?
Well I have journeyed to 6 countries and stood in awe of 2 ancient wonders of the world. I have mastered the art of squeezing myself onto a crowded tube carriage somewhere inbetween a smelly armpit and oversized luggage. I have spent countless afternoons laying in the Royal parks far from any evidence of 8 million people. I have accepted that the only drink sure to come with ice is a cider. I have replaced line, elevator, and take out with queue, lift, and take away. Things are now brilliant, bloody, or bullocks. I may finally be immune to a British accent. I appreciate a curry and love a kebab after a good night out. I have replaced my fears of pre-packaged sandwiches, escalators and eating alone with more sensible things like pigeons, wearing heels, and tube strikes.
I have crawled inside one of the Great Pyramids, pee’d next to the watchful eyes of camel, danced to Nubian chants around a bonfire, and drank beers in the Nile. I have donned a parka to drink inside a bar made entirely out of ice. Swam in the Blue Lagoon before almost dying by led foot driving around cliffs. I drank Sangria under a Spanish sunset. I kissed the Blarney stone, ignoring the myth that locals enjoy a good wee on it. I’ve stolen back some American flare from the French. I’ve driven through snowcapped mountains, watched the sunset over mirroring lochs, and learned the value of ’extra insurance. Sadly, I still do not know what is under the kilt…I vow to find that out during year 2!
I can’t hide the fact that I have dated, snogged, and of course shagged. My single girl run was short-lived, unless you can’t all those years state-side. A cute American accent wasted, if you ask me! I vowed to stay far away from anything resembling commitment which I did successfully for a whole month. But then girl meets boy in a shady nightclub, boy speaks very little English, girl doesn’t notice because he’s hot. Girl wants to keep things casual, boy doesn’t buy in to her bullshit. And then the twist that only my mother saw as inevitable, I fell in love. Yes, I know I wasn’t supposed to let this one happen, I was supposed to enjoy all the variety London had to offer and then report back the PG-13 details. And I certainly didn’t pick the easiest nationality, thank god for wikipedia or I would still be unsure of where he came from. But at least I didn’t throw all my standards out the window at the sight of James Franco’s doppelganger! (for anyone that remembers my deal breakers: He orders Jack and Coke, no diet, that according to him is a woman’s drink)
In 2009, I wrote: 'I want to learn to shoot a gun, write a book, and live in another country by the time I’m 30' : I haven't learned to shoot a gun but I figure a visit to Albania will tick that box. I have started a book....it might be only 20 pages but its a start, right? And I have successfully managed the last.
Then in 2010, I wrote: 'I am going to visit 30 countries by the time I'm 30' I'm well on my way...
Canada, Mexico, France, Netherlands,Italy, Bahamas, England, Ireland, Scotland, Malta
Spain, Egypt, Sweden, and Czech Republic (as of 28 Jan)
So I’ve decided I will stay until I’ve seen this through, until the good stops outweighing the bad, and then who knows….maybe it’ll be time to make room for a new home or revisit the original. It has been journey with more ups and downs that I envisioned but I wouldn’t change any of it. Even when I reach a breaking point, London shows some glimmer of sunshine even if for only a moment. And for once I believe I am exactly where I should be….
Almost a year to the day later, I de-boarded the same flight that took me from home, the weight of my luggage still barely manageable but the burden of my decision much lighter. I knew there would be no name on a sign or a friendly face to greet me but I didn’t need one. Because I am no longer the girl who sobbed and snotted through customs and I will never again spend an 7 hour plane ride in a panic stricken daze. I boarded the Express train before falling asleep to the comfort of knowing I was home.
It will never be home in the conventional sense, but everything has more than one definition. It isn’t where my family is or where I grew up but no one ever said you can only have one home. Of course Allentown, Philadelphia, and the USA will always be home but there is room for London too. Maybe I’m a home hussy but that’s ok because its just another long term relationship. Somedays you wake up disgusted by its cold, dark attitude, wondering how you have stayed so long with something that doesn’t love you back. Other days, the good days, you fall in love all over again with everything it has to offer you. In the best of homes, you are forced to try new things, open your mind, and just maybe become a better person.
So the answer is ‘I don’t know‘, well that’s the answer to all you smart cookies who asked the right question. And since I surround myself with Einstein’s, almost all of you did within minutes of seeing me. ‘When are you coming home?’ It was supposed to be a year, 18months max, a nice break before getting down to becoming a bona fide adult. But when I say I don’t know, I mean not for another year or two. Sorry Mom!
It only took 5 days in London to know I wanted to be here. Granted I was duped: it was sunny, warm, and the people were nothing but friendly. London conned me: it is never sunny or warm and the Brits aren't exactly known for embracing strangers on the street! It was all based on some modern day Scarlett O'Hara at the Twelve Oaks Bar-B-Que fantasy, sans 19 inch waist of course. I envisioned sitting outside at a quaint cafe, sipping cappuccino, surrounded by gorgeous metrosexual men, all of whom, in there husky accents, argue over who will be lucky enough to bring me a scone. After stuffing my face (daintily), my companions and I rush into a Black cab to get to the theater just in time for the curtains to go up on the latest West End show. Ok, I realise the reality is slightly different, the rain usually keeps me inside of the cafe and I don't eat that many scones to be honest but as different as it is, It is a dream nonetheless.
I am still trying to figure out why I left, some days I know I ran away from life and responsibility and other days I am content in believing I ran towards adventure and experience. It’s not as if my life was terrible, it wasn't, it just wasn't amazing and I was willing to pay for amazing. This extended vacation comes with the price tag of risking my already bleak financial future. A fact that keeps me up some nights when I think of the little IRS man tallying up my debt. But let's be honest, you all know me, I would still be drowning in debt with or without this adventure. Maybe I won't have a house anytime soon but I will have a ton of stories and photos to fill my future cardboard box.
So did I get what I was after?
Well I have journeyed to 6 countries and stood in awe of 2 ancient wonders of the world. I have mastered the art of squeezing myself onto a crowded tube carriage somewhere inbetween a smelly armpit and oversized luggage. I have spent countless afternoons laying in the Royal parks far from any evidence of 8 million people. I have accepted that the only drink sure to come with ice is a cider. I have replaced line, elevator, and take out with queue, lift, and take away. Things are now brilliant, bloody, or bullocks. I may finally be immune to a British accent. I appreciate a curry and love a kebab after a good night out. I have replaced my fears of pre-packaged sandwiches, escalators and eating alone with more sensible things like pigeons, wearing heels, and tube strikes.
I have crawled inside one of the Great Pyramids, pee’d next to the watchful eyes of camel, danced to Nubian chants around a bonfire, and drank beers in the Nile. I have donned a parka to drink inside a bar made entirely out of ice. Swam in the Blue Lagoon before almost dying by led foot driving around cliffs. I drank Sangria under a Spanish sunset. I kissed the Blarney stone, ignoring the myth that locals enjoy a good wee on it. I’ve stolen back some American flare from the French. I’ve driven through snowcapped mountains, watched the sunset over mirroring lochs, and learned the value of ’extra insurance. Sadly, I still do not know what is under the kilt…I vow to find that out during year 2!
I can’t hide the fact that I have dated, snogged, and of course shagged. My single girl run was short-lived, unless you can’t all those years state-side. A cute American accent wasted, if you ask me! I vowed to stay far away from anything resembling commitment which I did successfully for a whole month. But then girl meets boy in a shady nightclub, boy speaks very little English, girl doesn’t notice because he’s hot. Girl wants to keep things casual, boy doesn’t buy in to her bullshit. And then the twist that only my mother saw as inevitable, I fell in love. Yes, I know I wasn’t supposed to let this one happen, I was supposed to enjoy all the variety London had to offer and then report back the PG-13 details. And I certainly didn’t pick the easiest nationality, thank god for wikipedia or I would still be unsure of where he came from. But at least I didn’t throw all my standards out the window at the sight of James Franco’s doppelganger! (for anyone that remembers my deal breakers: He orders Jack and Coke, no diet, that according to him is a woman’s drink)
In 2009, I wrote: 'I want to learn to shoot a gun, write a book, and live in another country by the time I’m 30' : I haven't learned to shoot a gun but I figure a visit to Albania will tick that box. I have started a book....it might be only 20 pages but its a start, right? And I have successfully managed the last.
Then in 2010, I wrote: 'I am going to visit 30 countries by the time I'm 30' I'm well on my way...
Canada, Mexico, France, Netherlands,Italy, Bahamas, England, Ireland, Scotland, Malta
Spain, Egypt, Sweden, and Czech Republic (as of 28 Jan)
So I’ve decided I will stay until I’ve seen this through, until the good stops outweighing the bad, and then who knows….maybe it’ll be time to make room for a new home or revisit the original. It has been journey with more ups and downs that I envisioned but I wouldn’t change any of it. Even when I reach a breaking point, London shows some glimmer of sunshine even if for only a moment. And for once I believe I am exactly where I should be….
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