Look at my Lady Bits!

It's been a little too long since someone has looked at my lady bits...correction: someone with a medical degree.  Unfortunately, a MD is not on my list of conquests.  It was long overdue and as much as I love the boy, I do not want to start making an Albanian-American football team anytime soon.  So, STD testing and Anti-Albanian baby pills were in order.

With national health care in place, there is an abundance of clinics, its a great option if you have hours of time to wait and I since I'm unemployed with no hobbies, I do have the time.  It was much nicer than my first experience at an NHS facility.  A Beautiful building complete with chapel, museum, cafe, and gardens in the Barbican area.  The staff were kinder too.  A murse and I discussed my sexual history, my non-existent shooting up history, and my medical history before we started my requested 'check-up'.

Any American woman knows the drill, undress, feet in the stirrups, and get ready for some awkward small talk while someone opens you up with metal torture devices.  I prepared for this exam, made sure my lady bits were in tip top viewing shape but to my vagina's surprise there was no exam, no stirrups, and no devices.  He asked if I felt alright, I said yes but I wanted to be checked anyway.  He asked when  the last time I had unprotected sex was....3 days ago.  And with that he handed me Plan B.  There was no discussion, except for "You're right at the end of the window but you might as well give it a shot"

Once again the Brits got it right, it's much cheaper to hand over the pills for free than pay for a baby.  With the pills out of the way, he went for blood...gotta cover all bases including HIV.  I was still waiting to drop my pants especially when he pulled out the oversized q-tip, girls you know the one.  Instead, I was shown the bathroom: to self administer the swab.  Is there that limited of an amount of doctors that I have to swab myself?  I mean I'm familiar with the terrain and all but I don't think I'm qualified for this kind of medical exercise.  But swab I did.

It was over before I knew it and the only person who saw my bits was me, apparently if I want someone to see my good girl, I have to go to the GP or bang a doctor.  He handed me a 3 month supply of birth control, a free condom, and ushered me out promising to text my results in a week.  That's right medical results of a sensitive nature are now available via text....I don't know if I should be impressed or creeped out about the form of notification.