Thank God for Ice Cream & Sex

He was the first to move, he filled the space left from the night before by my panic induced break-up, I didn't move but I did welcome his embrace.  He kissed me softly before asking if the conversation the night before was a terrible dream, one that he said would leave him heartbroken.  I knew there was no takebacks, I created this doubt and all I could do is think how sad I would be if I lost my Borat sounding hottie.

It might be about that time to find a big fluffy couch, one that comes equipted with a middle aged man who can explain why I'm terrified of committment or at least say "hmmm interesting, let's explore that emotion" everytime I have a bout of crazy.

My issues seem to be without a reason or justification.  With my attempted break up the night before and his invitation of co-habitation looming, it's go big or go home time.  My hesitations are not the product of a broken home or endless infidelity in past relationships....I can't even begin to take a guess at the moment when I became a pussy.  My parents are entertained by my relationship by Beni, they've like him from the beginning, even without the important face to face meeting that they thrive on.  And why shouldn't they be?  They love stories like this, they believe, whole-heartedly in these fast, free falling, love stories!  So does Beni, he claims to have known instantly, he made calls to his 3 brothers the day after our initial encounter and another round of calls 2 weeks later to say that he was in love.   I do not believe in fate, love at first sight or fairy tales.

No, I am not a broken home kid, I am the kid from a love at first sight story.  I was born a little over a year after a blind date, a date that turned into an engagement 10 days later, and after a month, a date that turned into the makings of a 27 year marriage.  I won't lie or even pretend that I am from the always smiling, cardigan wearing, weekend in the Hamptons, American dream family;  I am not.  Their love story included love at first sight but also multiple trials that would break most relationships like a twig but my Dad still believes my Mother is his world.  Over Skype, my Dad told me the story of him and my mother, (one I've heard before but still find adorable) "She is my best friend, I still get butterflies everytime I see her, people may not understand us but she is everything to me, I am the luckiest man in the world to have her......I am lost when she isn't here" 

A mentality that has not always be at the forefront of his actions but one that has always been in the back of his mind, even at times in my childhood when their divorce seemed like a very big possibility.  They are not perfect, not even close but they still love each other despite every hurdle and I respect that.  But, I am on the verge of becoming the girl I was in my last relationship, I took everything, gave nothing, and ended up heatbroken; when he realized how unbalanced it all was.  Beni hasn't seen it fully yet, but he will, he will grow tired of my games, my constant fight for power, and my reluctance to be fully committed. I'm not really sure what I'm fighting against but I should figure it out soon before I end up living the same relationship that left me heartbroken and regretful.

Luckily we are still new; still in that yucky love stage, the stage where a day of laying naked in bed eating ice cream and having make up sex will make things right again.