LaLaLondon

As we enjoyed the sun in Sweden, London had their own taste of spring.  It stayed boarderline hot in London for the remainder of Lisa's visit and we took complete advantage of it.  Flips flops, sun dresses, Pimms (my new favorite fruity concoction) and picnics.  We were not the only ones drawn to Regent's Park this week, we were however the only ones wearing a reasonable amount of clothes.  But I can't be mad at the bakini clad, I too wanted to jump in the lake and sunbath in my bra.

Following days in the sun we walked along the Thames as the sunset, a view that always makes me fall in love with London all over again.  And as always a little time spent being a tourist in my new city makes me appreciate this opportunity even more.

But like London's best joke, Lisa took the sunshine with her....my summer dresses are anxiously awaiting the next night out of the closet...

American Invasion of Sweden 2

The second day in Stockholm was just as warm and sunny as the day before.  We lunched by the water, planning our day to include the Vasa Museum and the Absolut Ice Bar.  Together our non existent map skills led us to believe we knew exactly where the museum was....it was only after an hour of wandering we gave up the search and hopped on a boat for an easy drop off. 

I love museums but after a while, they all begin to look the same and to be honest there is only so many paintings of Jesus and John  the Baptist I can take.  The Vasa Museum is unlike any other museum I have been to, for starters it's a sunken ship!  It was discovered impressively entact over 300 years after it sank, the only sensible thing to do with a discovery like this is to plop it in the middle of a building and create a museum around it.  I loved it, it might have the skeletons of sailors or the tales of scurvey but it was one of the most interesting museums I have seen.

Of course every hostoric outings isn't complete with some cultural drinking.  The Absolut Ice Bar in the Nordic Hotel is made for dumb tourists like me, afterall who else would pay almost 20 quid to stand in freezing temperatures just to drink a fruity vodka drink.  I don't know what was better:  the Vodka or the fact that we doned fur lined parkas and gloves to enter the bar made entirely of ice?  Only 30 dummies are allowed in the bar at a time because too much body heat will literally melt the place down.  It's not the kind of bar you stay at all night and its not just because you would freeze!  After 20 minutes and a fruit buzz, we were off to continue the crawl.  Our new friend Jesper outlined the perfect bar crawl for us, complete with pregaming spots and all night clubs.  It wasn't surprising that we ran into him 20 minutes later at the first stop, it was even less surprising when he bought us the first round of many.  Gotta love those nice Swedes, especially when they invited us to join there night out!  One bar turned into a Salsa club and one round of terrible local shots turned into 4 or 5.  There is a reason that you don't drink Listerine, it tastes terrible, unfortunately the Swedes had no problem with taking shots that might have been mouthwash for all I know.  We managed to keep pace with our new buddies on the dancefloor and at the bar until 3 before I put my drunk self in a cab home.

Barely able to function the next morning, we enjoyed lunch at a cafe by the water and picked up some cheesy suveniors before making the trip back to London.  Random fact:  Apparently Sweden is known for moose and here I was all these years only thinking about Canadains....

American Invasion of Sweden

I'd like to consider all of my new passport stamps as 'learning' experiences. Sweden was no different....I went, I saw, I learned we can't compete. Sure our fine men and women of the Armed Forces could sail right into Stockholm's port and by lunchtime be sipping vodka, confident in a quick takeover but....


Pick 10 random Americans and 10 random Swedes to hit the runway and we might as well be Sweden's bitch, our orthodontia has got nothin' on the blond, blue eyed, beauties! In the spirit of Derek Zoolander...they are 'really, really ridiculously good looking!!!' Their city is not only clean and stunning, they had to go and fill it with people equally as pretty. As much as I wanted to hate their skinny tallness, you can't because they are beyond friendly and accomodating!

Lisa arrived on Tuesday and after a quick day of London walking and meeting Lawrence and Beni...we were on a plane. We got to Stockholm, Sweden around 12:30am and checked into our hostel. To my surprise it was not a complete dump, in fact I would stay there again, maybe it was the free pasta or Internet but either way it rocked my cheap travel world! Unfortunately we didn't get to hit the town that night but we did see the sun rise at 3am...yup even the sun loves Sweden so much that it rises extremely early! We ran out of our hostel door, crossed the street to watch the sky turn pink over the water, pretty lovely, so lovely I stayed out to snap some pics for 15 whole minutes before passing out in bed.

The next day we spent wandering old city, which is exactly like you would imagine...old cobblestone streets filled with boutiques, shops, restaurants and pubs. It's also right next to the Royal Palace and since I still dream of owning a legit tiara, we headed there next. Sweden is filled with Royal Excitement, Princess Victoria is getting hitched and much to the happiness of Swedes....she's marrying a nobody, a common guy....It's the first wedding since the King and Queen married in the 60s. Sadly, we were about 2 weeks early for this historic event but the preparations are very much underway. A random fact (according to our Swedish friends) there will be 2 weeks of celebrations leading up to the wedding and special cakes, created for the occasion will be sold in every bakery in the country. I have decided that I too want a special cake created just for me and no a box cake will not do....

By 3, we decided to take advantage of the beautiful weather and the fact that Sweden is home of Absolut Vodka. Much like behind the times Pennsylvania, Sweden has special stores to sell wine and liquor, there are no offlicenses, no grocery store booze runs so we got directions to the store, took a deli style number and browsed glass cases for the perfect daydrinking on the water cocktail. We went with some Vanilla Absolut, purchased some cokes, sat on the water to join the Swedes on a perfect sunny day. We caught up on life and love over liquor soaking up as much sun as our poor packing would allow.  Take that London weather, I got tan lines....well red lines but it's still color! Daydrinking leads to lots of things but ours only led to free oversalted pasta and a quick nap around 8.
 
We did manage to stir ourselves out of bed after an hour or two.  We fought the inevitable hangover of killing a bottle to grab some drinks in old city.  Our best efforts kept us sipping cider until 1 before calling it a night..

I Heart Heathrow

I love airports!  And no I haven't been watching the opening scene of Love Actually over and over again (although truth be told, it gets me everytime!).  It's a place made of dreams when it comes to people watching!

I found myself waiting, staring, and staring some more in Terminal 5 at Heathrow Airport.  I spend 20 minutes imagining where the men in the business suits fly off too, what meeting is so important that they chose to be uncomfortable the whole plane ride?  I would like think that someday I will be important enough for a company to fly me to a meeting in another country but when that day arrives....I will throw some sweats on like always, carry my power suit on board and wait till the last possible second to be confined in a pencial skirt (I mean even Tommy Boy was able to change in an airplane bathroom)...don't they worry about wrinkles!

Then there was the couple that occupied a considerable amount of my thinking.  She was Asian, he was an Englishman in a business suit, both middle aged but attractive in their own rights.  As he handed her a bouquet of flowers, she smiled, shook his hand, as if meeting him for the first time.  In my mind, they are an eHarmony story come to life, right there in Heathrow Terminal 5....months of emailing and potentially staged photos turned into an overseas blind date.  I loved the potential of her 3 suitcases. 

Caught staring a little too much, I turned my attention to the backpacker, a short guy wearing a muscle tee....it was the muscle tee that caught my eye, sadly it was not the bulging biceps that it.  He practically ran over people to start his European adventure.  I'm still wondering how quickly he realized London weather does not permit things like muscle tees!  Behind the backpacker came a girl drowning in luggage, pausing to scan the crowd at the arrivals gate, as if waiting for someone to lead her out in to what I imagined to be her own adventure.  After a couple of seconds, she nodded her head, adjusted her bags, and headed for a the taxi stand.  I tried to remember the moment I scanned the crowd at Heathrow waiting to see a familar face before shaking my head and going to the taxi stand.

My corney airport fantasies came to a hault with the sight of a familiar face.  Lisa is in London Town!!!!  Another much need week with a friend from home.  First Stop:  Dinner with Lawrence, Drinks with Beni before heading to Sweden on Wednesday!

An extended hangover

The embarassment of another bad ending to a drunken night hung over me until Monday.  It's hard to shake any feelings of losing control when you have request another debit card and beg the bank for 'emergency funds', get a replacement phone while yours is in the Mobile ER, apologize to the boyfriend...yet again, and send a Facebook message or two mending any friendship blunders.

I quietly ran about London, repairing Friday night's damage, vowing to take it easy for a while, lay low...I would like to keep the friends and boyfriend around for a bit longer....  By midafternoon the dust settled, Facebook told me all friendship were intact, the boyfriend text messaged his love on my shitty, but working replacement phone, and I had 100 pounds....all in a day's recovering!

Afterall, I can't be a complete hot mess tomorrow, my friend Lisa is coming all the way from the USA, someone has to show her a good time....

I woke up embarrassed, guilty and reminiscent of the hangover I had following my first legal binge. It was a celebration of disasterous proportions. I worked tirelessly, finishing only 15 minutes before the deadline to hand in two projects that would determine the completetion of the semester.


I was frazzeled when I walked in the bar to meet my Uni friends, they were more studious and finished the hour before, well on their way to celebrating the end of class until October. I unzipped my backpack, pulled out a cider, and drank on the sly. I came prepared for a picnic celebration, preparations that included cider, beer, and a blanket mixed in with my school work. Despite being at a beer selling establishment, I drank through my preparations before purchasing the first round of many shots. 8 of us drank, gossiped and planned summer holidays before our finance teacher arrived to join the party.

Our prof and I have an interesting dynamic, as he does with all of the Americans, he mostly thinks I don't apply myself and I mostly think it's weird to have my teacher as a Facebook friend. But to each his own, so Prof, addmittedly a lightweight, joined in the party.

Before long, boyfriends and fuck buddies of the women in our class took a seat at the table and the party was moved to an Equadorian restaturant, we added wine the consumption list and Beni remained the only sober one.  I could tell he was slightly nervous about where the night would take us....but we kept on anyway and decided it was time for dancing.

We hopped on the 43 bus to Angel and drunkenly handed over 3 quid to the bouncer to get into a pub/club. The music was an early 90s nightmare but we danced through it. The girls coo'ed over the loveliness of my boyfriend, a fact I knew and couldn't help but be proud of. As he danced, the gals and I headed to the bar for the 3rd round of Jaegar bombs. Prof and Jose excused themselves, Jose had ladies to meet and I don't think Prof was up for anymore Shenangians. I should've excused myself too, but I was beyond the point of good reason and I barely noticed the glare from Beni's direction.
He is not a fan of my and Jose's relationship. Protective, Jealous, Albanian men don't take kindly to another man dominating conversation with their girlfriend or calling her 'babe'. I sat with him in our booth, litered with school bags and tried to reason with him. I think I did a pretty good job until, two girls decided our booth was for their taking. One politely asked if she could sit, I agreed.  I guess my approval meant her and her friend could throw our bags on the floor.  When I asked that they not throw our bags on the floor (we had laptops in there mind you...) I heard 15 minutes of unkind words about me and my friends.  15 minutes was about all it took for me to ask, not politely, for them to get up.  Next thing I know, words where exchanged and I was excusing myself to leave.  I had embarassed myself and most likely everyone else and it was time to call it a night.
 
On the cab ride home, Beni questioned me about my relationship with male friends....the suspicious tone in his voice was enough to set me over the edge one more time.  The fight that began in the cab spilled on to the streets of East London for another 2 hours.  With little patience left, Beni scooped me up like a kicking and screaming child, threw me over his shoulder and told me he had enough.....
 
I was that girl.....I need a serious re-evaluation.....and far fewer Jaeger bombs.... 

Library rat

Today was the third day in a row that I spent over 6 hours at the library!  The only thing I have learned in 18+ hours of school work is:

1.  I hate the smell of library books, some think its romantic or nastalgic but I think it smells like sweaty migrant workers, sans deodorant in 100 degree heat!
2.  All it takes is a teacher telling me I'm "too smart to be this lazy" or "it's ashame you don't actually try" to get me to actually try
3.  I am financially retarded:  Balance Sheets and Income statement are beyond my understanding
4.  Facebook will ruin any chance of academic success if you log on while studying, especially if an ex has posted new photos....
5.  Eating 2 meals out of a vending machine will make you sick to your stomach

The countless hours spent actually trying have not gotten me any closer to finishing.  2 days of the semester left and still 3 papers to go.  I am counting down the minutes until I crack open my victory beer on Friday....

So until then no blogging, no facebook (well only quick stalking), and no boyfriend......this is going to be the longest 2 days ever!

One for my momma

I am lucky enough to be the owner of one badass Mom.  There won't be flowers, cards, or gifts in honor of her day this year, sorry Mom, maybe I'll buy you a shirt that says, "It's mother's day and all I got was a stupid blog".

This journey of mine has not be easy, especially for her, our daily commute home conversations have come to a halt, my visits home filled with food and lauhging at bad TV are temporarily put on hold, and her knowledge of my where abouts are limited.  Our communication is limited by money, 5 hour time differences, and an ocean....we now have only skype, email, and this blog.  To get daily updates, she has to log on and read about my day, my drunkin' nights, and much more about my boyfriends penis than she cares to know.....

Despite many years trying to be unlike her and a ton of effort to live an opposite life, I would be very lucky to be half as strong or amazing.  I have her to thank for exactly where I am right now.  So Ma, thanks for:

• Showing me Gone with the Wind, every year for as long as I can remember:  Scarlett O'Hara is quite a role model to many men's dismay
• Spending countless hours making sure every dress for every prom, gala, and dance made my boobs look spectacular!
• Listening for hours about my plans for world domination and minions
• Not forcing me to into a tutu or a brownie uniform year after year
• Teaching me the importance of using my power for good
• Allowing me to be reckless, wild, and loud...well at least sometimes
• Being wild, very loud, and inappropriate....
• Bantering about boys and sex with me and my friends
• Journeying to Graceland
• Buttering each piece of bread we ever ate and making 3 kinds of stuffing each Turkey day
• Continuing to try to teach me how to 'just be', pick my battles, and use my power for good....one day I will get it!
• Cleaning up after each tornado I left in my path, even now an ocean away I know you are finding bobby pins and disasters
• Supporting every sport, relationship (except one but that was crap anyway!), dream, and fleeting obsession no matter how silly or seemingly impossible

I wish I could be there today to watch movies, talk, and snack...all while nursing a hangover I would most likely  have had.  But because you taught me anything is possible I am an ocean away doing something I have always dreamed of doing.  Thanks for making me strong and independent, I know you gave up a lot so I would end up here....

Somewhere out there beneath the pale moon light......

TMI?

I read Beni my blog detailing his downtown excursion today, I didn't want to but he asked what I write about so I had to share.  I have never seen his face so red, a mix between embarrasment and slight anger.  He called out to God...."O Zot" in his language and asked if I kept anything between me and him.  I said yes but not much.  With that he laughed and said "Ok then, write what you want, but can my cousins see this?" 

I guess the fear of his cousins making fun of him and knowing what he is like in bed is greater than strangers reading all about his bedroom moves.  Unlike me, he shares nothing, I doubt anyone in his circle thinks we practice abstinence but even if they did he wouldn't confirm or deny...that job would be left up to me.....

A trashy victory!

So maybe the saying "good things come to those who wait" has some validity.  After over 2 months and the loss of almost all hope that I would ever get any downtown action from my Albanian lover, I finally got what I wanted!  And good things do come to those who wait......

In place of margaritas, we had wine: 2 bottles during football and dinner, and another we took up to bed.  It wasn't long before my always horney boyfriend starting making moves.  Taking the bottle of wine, he poured a crimson line down my stomach, licking it off before it dripped down my side.  Wine is not something I often bring into the bedroom, in fact its usually what gets me into the bedroom in the first place.  It's no chocolate sauce or whipped cream but I must admit there is something about adding to your level of drunk while getting pleased that I love, as long as the wine doesn't go wasted of course!

He kissed and licked within inches of what I've been after, then stopped.  I shared the wine pouring love on him(Note: wine stays nicely on the ridges of man's abs) but I didn't stop because unlike him I understand the importance of a little oral sex.  Twice more he kissed me within inches before I lost all patience.  He reached for a condom until I stopped him.  I am too old to play this game: Go Down or Go Home!  I said as kindly as a sexually frustrated woman can: "No sex, I'm over it.  If I'm not getting what I want, you aren't either"

A look of confusion and frustration crossed his scruffy face, it was clear the denial of sex is not something he has ever heard before.  He pushed me back, gave me a soft tap on the cheek, "Shut up, you are so demanding sometimes"  I don't know what was more shocking the tap, the command to shut my mouth, or the fact that he didn't stop within inches this time around....


For someone that has never been on the other end of oral pleasure, he knew exactly what to do and how to do it right.  My hand covered my mouth until he found another way to muffle my sounds, I mean it was only fair to reciprocate.  We had as much as we could both take:  Grasping for condoms and as much of each other as possible, we moved to the floor.  The scratch marks, handprints and signs of a rough bout of intense sex were visible as we showered an hour later.  Pleased we headed back to bed for more, this time sweet and gentle until 6 am.

Margarita-less Mayo

There will be no wonderfully salty rimmed bevies in my near future, I can not celebrate all things Mexican today because I am a procrastinator.  I really hate the idea that I am doing research instead of partying it up in honor of the US's Southern neighbors.....why can't I act like a normal student and get my shit done before it ruins my social life?

By Tuesday I need to:

Write 2,000 Business Proposal...no biggie except for the 500 financial charts and graphs I have to include!
2 Marketing Papers
12 Page Dissertation Proposal

Time to cram and stay off Facebook,if I read one more drinking holiday status and I will abandon all hope of being studious and make friends with the first sombrero-wearing bartender I see.

Thank God for Ice Cream & Sex

He was the first to move, he filled the space left from the night before by my panic induced break-up, I didn't move but I did welcome his embrace.  He kissed me softly before asking if the conversation the night before was a terrible dream, one that he said would leave him heartbroken.  I knew there was no takebacks, I created this doubt and all I could do is think how sad I would be if I lost my Borat sounding hottie.

It might be about that time to find a big fluffy couch, one that comes equipted with a middle aged man who can explain why I'm terrified of committment or at least say "hmmm interesting, let's explore that emotion" everytime I have a bout of crazy.

My issues seem to be without a reason or justification.  With my attempted break up the night before and his invitation of co-habitation looming, it's go big or go home time.  My hesitations are not the product of a broken home or endless infidelity in past relationships....I can't even begin to take a guess at the moment when I became a pussy.  My parents are entertained by my relationship by Beni, they've like him from the beginning, even without the important face to face meeting that they thrive on.  And why shouldn't they be?  They love stories like this, they believe, whole-heartedly in these fast, free falling, love stories!  So does Beni, he claims to have known instantly, he made calls to his 3 brothers the day after our initial encounter and another round of calls 2 weeks later to say that he was in love.   I do not believe in fate, love at first sight or fairy tales.

No, I am not a broken home kid, I am the kid from a love at first sight story.  I was born a little over a year after a blind date, a date that turned into an engagement 10 days later, and after a month, a date that turned into the makings of a 27 year marriage.  I won't lie or even pretend that I am from the always smiling, cardigan wearing, weekend in the Hamptons, American dream family;  I am not.  Their love story included love at first sight but also multiple trials that would break most relationships like a twig but my Dad still believes my Mother is his world.  Over Skype, my Dad told me the story of him and my mother, (one I've heard before but still find adorable) "She is my best friend, I still get butterflies everytime I see her, people may not understand us but she is everything to me, I am the luckiest man in the world to have her......I am lost when she isn't here" 

A mentality that has not always be at the forefront of his actions but one that has always been in the back of his mind, even at times in my childhood when their divorce seemed like a very big possibility.  They are not perfect, not even close but they still love each other despite every hurdle and I respect that.  But, I am on the verge of becoming the girl I was in my last relationship, I took everything, gave nothing, and ended up heatbroken; when he realized how unbalanced it all was.  Beni hasn't seen it fully yet, but he will, he will grow tired of my games, my constant fight for power, and my reluctance to be fully committed. I'm not really sure what I'm fighting against but I should figure it out soon before I end up living the same relationship that left me heartbroken and regretful.

Luckily we are still new; still in that yucky love stage, the stage where a day of laying naked in bed eating ice cream and having make up sex will make things right again.

Dinner, Dancing, Disaster.....

I'm feeling old, domesticated, and lame. I have a love/hate relationship with spending a lot of time in bed with my boyfriend. It could be because while I tried to find something to do this weekend, my London buddies were getting fucked up in Amsterdam celebrating Queens Day and my BFFs from home were on a road trip to a very drunk, very muddy Kentucky Derby.  And when I feel old and out of the loop I make bad decisions.

My friends that were left in London weren't up for my trouble seeking mood so I made Beni stand in as my temporary partner in crime.  He appeased me and in my defense I warned him I was going to get bombed.  It was nice to be alone with him, despite the fact that I practically live with him, we are never alone outside of his bed.....goddamn cousins and siblings are always there!  Before taking the train to a club in East London, we stopped at a bar for a warm up....a very warm, burning, 3 shots of tequila each topped off with a couple doubles of gin.  We found our way back to the club where we met, a completely different scene this time around, for one I didn't get throw out for inappropriate bathroom sluttiness....It didn't take long or many more shots to get me on the dancefloor.  My man can move so I had no problem with keeping my focus on him only.  Just when I thought the night was exactly what I needed I made friends with two other Albanians (and no Beni was not related to them).  As Beni was in the bathroom, two guys and I started chatting at the bar, they asked if my boyfriend was Albanian and when I said yes, they decided to piss me off. 

I was told that I should "watch myself, Albanian men do not approve of their women talking to other men."  I laughed and reminded them that women don't need permission to talk.  They were kind enough to catch Beni up on the conversation when he returned by questioning how he could let his 'woman' alone talking to other guys.  Clearly there was about to be a pissing contest and I was not about to allow whatever words were exchanged in Albanian to ruin the night.  But it was too late, it was already ruined, Beni was annoyed and I felt weird about our relationship....a bad addition to the tequila and gin.

We managed to ignore the tension and dance until 4, we barely made it home before I said something.  Somehow those comments made me feel trapped, I wanted to go back to my slightly slutty single life where there wasn't a boyfriend to worry about.  Overnight it became serious, he was an actual committment, and I wanted out.  He didn't take it well when I told him, I didn't want to be with him anymore, that it was too much for me.  He wasn't angry, he was as compassionate as he could be, he strangely understood what I meant, even if I fully didn't.  He begged me to go to bed, to wait until the morning, and the harder I pushed him away, the tighter he held on. 

An hour later, it was a stalemate.  We were getting no where, I wanted to slow down, to take a break and he wanted to pretend the whole conversation never happened.  He urged me to bed and for the first time we slept on different sides, the space in between was enough to keep us both awake until the sun came up....