Wanker?

Like a lot of American teens, I spent way too much time and hard earned Rita's cash on Cosmopolitan and Seventeen.  I mean how else were we supposed to know "101 Things to Drive our Man Wild" or get inside his "Secret Sexual Fantasies"?  We weren't going to ask, were we?  Nope, we were going to let a couple quizzes tell us if his actions meant we were fated to live happily ever after or worse if our man's words meant he was a cheat. 

I'm a little older,not necessarily wiser but I have had a ton more sex since the days when I subscribed to the  bibles of adolescence to find out "Are You Amazing In Bed?"  I do realize those quizzes, articles, and 101's are nothing but crap but I sitll believe in some of that crap about men and women.  I hate to admit it but I do, especially when it's proved true in past situations.  Not to mention, I did learn a couple of positions that did drive my man wild.....

It's fact that men think about sex every 7 seconds, isn't it?  It seems reasonable enough, I think about sex multiple times a day, why shouldn't they every other second.  Although they can't exactly whip out their dicks are start playing around every time the thought crosses their minds (chafing?), I was pretty sure most men did at least once a day or a couple times a week.  I figured this was fact, wheither they were getting some or not.  Well my boyfriend does not subscribe to my or Cosmo's assumptions about all male sexual behavior.

As he whined over the phone on Monday that he wanted trouble aka sex for those adults who do not date someone who uses a code word, I told him to go home, pop in some porn, and have a little "me" time.  I mean that's what I do when I don't see him for a couple days.  Well the boy does not "wank", "jerk off", or "have me time"  when he's dating someone.  Crazy I know, I question his manhood during moments like these.  Every guy I have ever dated, jerked off when I wasn't around to offer my services; I have even had the pleasure of dating a fuckin' creep who jerked off while I slept next to him (that was a fun wake up call, he 'didn't want to wake me up').  My ex-fuck buddy, believed jerking off before sex helped lessen the chances of knocking me up, this was the same idiot that thought he could never get me pregnant because he smoked too much pot, a regular scientist, my fuck buddy!  I only had one response to Beni's statement: "Bullshit, Fucking Liar!"

Beni:  "It's not good when you do that all the time"
Me:  "I don't care if you do, have a party in your pants for all I care"
Beni:  "If you do it all the time, you are no good anymore for the women"
Me: "Interesting theory"
Beni:  "I haven't since I met you and won't unless you go away for a long time"
Me:  "What's a long time?"
Beni:  "Over a month"

So my boy has oddles of self control, maybe I can borrow some because I do not share the same philosophy of the rules in engaging in me time!  When I get it, which is rare, I take advantage of it, despite how much sex I am getting!

He may have busted one Cosmo myth but the other stands, he does think about sex roughly every 7 seconds.  It takes nothing, I mean nothing, a simple kiss is all it takes to get him ready to tackle a list of 101's courtesy of chick mags around the world.