Pastries in the Park

You know you're in Europe when the man interviewing you for a job is drinking a beer and offers you one as well.  I didn't take him up on the offer because I l like to keep my drinking before noon to a minimum. However, it did make for a very relaxed atmosphere.  For an hour, we chatted, it was unlike any interview I had been on before. I was prepared to bullshit about my strengths and weaknesses, explain how my experience has made me a great team player, or even lie about how much I'm learning at school....but he didn't ask.  He was more interested in my opinions on London culture and the tube.  He stated very early into our chat that he loves Americans, according to him "Americans are the greatest group of people in the world."  He thought an American on his team would be beyond beneficial for his business.  We debated the downfall of the newspaper and bookstores thanks to the Internet and Amazon.com.  I am confident that unless a genius walked in after me, he will be offering me a position next week.  The only problem is that I am still unsure if it pays.  I would never even consider this at home but I need experience and I would get to build relationships with the press and UK publishers.  Not too shabby, especially because I can work from home as much or as little as I want.

Lawrence had an interview as well so we planned to meet for lunch after we were done bragging about ourselves to potential employers.  I must say we both looked dashing as we headed to a small Chinese place for lunch and a celebratory drink.  After lunch he made me buy vitamins, he is convinced I am slowly killing myself, a point that may be true but I don't love the idea of spending 9 quid on something I will most likely forget to take everyday.  But he is a presistent pain the ass and promised to buy me pastries when I pouted, so I bought them...I love a guy who bribes me with food, more men should try this!  I have a salt tooth, I eat ice cream or chocolate rarely but there is something about London and its Patisseries that makes my sweet tooth come alive!  After much debate, I selected a beautiful chocolate mousse topped with a chocolate covered strawberry.  We grabbed two cappucinos and walked to the lake in Hyde Park.  It was a movie moment, girl in dress and boots, man in tailored suit on a park bench enjoying mid-day desserts, talking about life and because it's Lawrence...evolutionary theory.  He's such a little nerd but I love how passionate he gets about things I don't give a shit to think about.  We are in so many ways the opposite, it amazes me sometimes that we are friends, I mean this in the best way possible.  I might as well have nutted myself, I was so in love with this mousse, I forgot all about my fear of ducks pecking out my eyeballs, I had to pry the fork away from my mouth just so I wouldn't eat Lawrence's dessert too.  We debated about Beni, I've been having my doubts lately.  Not because I don't have feelings for him because I do and they get more intense everytime I see him but because I am realizing what I will not have with him.  I have never believed one person can give you everything but I need to figure out what I need and what I'm willing to get from others in order to make up for the difference.  As always, Lawrence listened and then shut me up...simply explaining to worry about it only when I am no longer happy.  And he's right, Beni and I may not be able to debate evolutionary theory but Lawrence and I can....

As I said goodbye to my buddy, I realized I was no where near ready to go home, it was too nice to be home.  So I stopped at a pub, got a glass of wine, and took a table outside.  I'm reading Eat, Pray, Love at the moment and as I sat there a quote seemed to sum up my life..."You are never where you are.  You are always digging in the past or poking at the future, but rarely do you rest in the moment."  That's me alright, even in moments of happiness, I am thinking of something else, instead of just enjoying where I am.  I worry about the things I will not have with Beni if there is a future, instead of enjoying what he gives me now.  I'm an ungrateful ass and refuse to waste anymore time doing it.

So I sipped my wine, people watching, deciding not to worry about the things I wasn't doing (which was a lot) and enjoy the day.  I watched people walking down the street, smiling, for what appeared to be for no reason whatsoever.  I smile a lot but something as to provoke it:  a friend, a joke, someone tripping (yes I know I'm evil but I always chuckle) or puppies...puppies always work...I shouldn't say always those puppies on the damn Sarah Mclachlan commercial make me cry, damn Arms of the Angel song.  People that smile for no reason make me nervous, it's as if they have an evil plan to take out the world and we are all sitting ducks, waiting for it to happen.  What could they be so happy about walking down a crowded street?  What could the guy smashed against the door of the tube be laughing about at 8am?  I know I'm cynical but seriously what am I missing? 

I'm not good at relaxing, I am good at being lazy.  Which at home involves taking off my bra, laying on the couch, watching a Lifetime movie, and stuffing my face.  America, land of the free to overindulge, overstimulate, and of course pearly white smiles.   Don't get me wrong I love all of them, especially my $4,000 smile, that baby has got me many free drinks!  I think I need to try to forget those things and try to just enjoy where I am....


Sidenote:  I only mention the "American Smile"  because 3 times this week, I have been picked out as American before I speak, solely based on my smile.  Apparently we are known for our orthodontia....it's as if my teeth are made up of stars and stripes...there are worst things I guess.